Day 353- “Remembrance”

353

This photo, Day 353, should be for November 27th. November 27th is an extremely important day for me, for many reasons. It’s my brother-in-law’s birthday, it’s my goat Stoney’s birthday, and it’s Founder’s Day, the day that my fraternity Kappa Kappa Psi was founded at Oklahoma A&M College in 1919.

It is also the day, a year ago, that I came to terms with why I chose to major in photography. It’s a long, difficult story, involving guilt, depression, death, and acceptance.

I… I can’t really explain it again. It’s really a pretty tough story for me to even think about, but if you’re curious, check out my post from September 14th.

Sometimes, I wish things were how they used to be. The cemetery where I took this photo was a place that I used to go to as a kid. I used to take my dog Jenny there- since she was the only one of our three Corgis that I could trust off of the leash. She would run around happily, sniffing out rabbit holes while I gently placed flowers on all of the graves. This is an old cemetery; I think the most recent burial was before 1920. It’s a friendly cemetery.

But now, my Baby Girl is gone, after being hit by a car this summer. (You can read that post here.) I wandered around the cemetery alone, looking out at the sunset and down at the old, faded out flowers I placed on the graves back in March, when Jenny was still with me.

Jenny is gone, Alicia is gone, and sadly, there is nothing I can do about it, except keep moving forward.

And I do. November 27th was the first time I’ve ever played in the saxophone studio class. All of the saxophone majors get together every Tuesday and play for each other, then receive critiques from the saxophone professor. To me, it’s a bit awkward as a non-music major, a junior making a third attempt at the sax studio, to stand up in front of everyone and play. Nervously, I played my Telemann Fantasy,  and when I was done, I looked up at everyone and saw smiles and nods of approval. I don’t know why I was so worried. They’re are all my friends and they all want me to succeed, and they were all happy for me and all encourage me in my musical pursuits.

I would have continued pursuing art, had it not been that fateful moment on November 27th, 2011, when I realized that music is what I need to do. Jut keep pushing forward, and I will reach my dream.

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